More Witty Quotes On mindfulness, God, and Enlightenment
ON THE JOYS OF HOLY MATRIMONY
[Quips from Henny Youngman (or attributed to him):]
I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she’ll kill me!
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food…..
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in New York and mine is in New Jersey.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, “Do what I do. I put my head on my wife’s bosom, and the headache goes away.” The next day, the man says, “Did you do what I told you to?” “Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!”
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”….I said, “Dust!”
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
MORE QUIPS on LOVE and HOLY MATRIMONY
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher… And that is a good thing for any man. –Socrates, d.399 BCE
Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning of the world, that such persons as are in the institution wish to get out, and such as are out wish to get in? –Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1850
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. –Michel de Montaigne, d.1592
Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. –Anonymous
It may be just coincidence, but man’s best friend (the dog) cannot talk. –Anonymous
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. -H.L. Mencken, d.1956
The whole pleasure of marriage is that it is a perpetual crisis. –G.K. Chesterton, d.1936
Marriage is a duel to the death which no man of honor should decline. –G.K. Chesterton
In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues. –Helen Rowland
I’ve sometimes thought of marrying, and then I’ve thought again. –Noel Coward
A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. –Zsa Zsa Gabor (married nine times)
After marriage, husband and wife become like two sides of a coin: they can’t face each other, but still, they stay together. –Hemant Joshi
It was a perfect marriage. She didn’t want to and he couldn’t. –Spike Milligan
A man doesn’t know what happiness is until he’s married. By then it’s too late. –Frank Sinatra
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. –Jim Backus
Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway. –Joey Adams
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. –Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. –Erma Bombeck